right here right now | a cafe in mostar

Lately, I've often found myself wistfully thinking, "I wish this were it. I with it weren't an internship. I wish this were my job, my first post. I wish this were real life."

Sitting at a cafe in Mostar - often called Bosnia and Herzegovina's most beautiful city, potted plants on the walkway trellis, a tea in my hand, I thought it again. I felt that way again. And I have got to stop.

If that were true, I'd have wished this summer away - wished right past the work I'm enjoying, the relationships I'm building. I would've wished past Zan's and my two-week trip through Croatia later this summer. I would've wished past solo traveling through Slovenia. I'd have wished through Scandal nights with girlfriends this fall and patio brunches after the snow melts and the sun sneaks out next spring. I would've wished past my 30th birthday - and my god, I may forget that it happens for other reasons, but I certainly don't want to wish it away. I would've wished past the classes I can't wait to take and all the learning I have left to do. I would've wished past A-100, the basic training for Foreign Service Officers. I would've wished past the emotion of receiving my first bid list and combing through it with Zan, imagining what our lives would be like in dozens of different countries. I would've wished past my first flag day - that day, with my mom and Zan, my friends and my family, with my heart pounding, butterflies fluttering - when I'll find out where my first post will be.

I'm in love with this summer. It's a summer romance with Sarajevo, a passionate affair with the mountains of Bosnia and the vineyards of Herzegovina. I'm crazy about every bit of this experience and this place - about how I feel more me and more confident than I've been in too long. I'm at peace, and it's easy to cling to this incredible moment right now and wish it could last longer than it will. But all that wishing washes away too much damn life I have to live between now and this time next year.

So I'm embracing right here and right now. Next year will come fast - and I want to focus on living it instead of wishing it away.